Hi. Are you there? I am here.
It's dark...and quiet. I don't see a light around. But I see me and that other me too. She's watching me. Wondering when I'm going to come out. Wondering when I'm going to shut up and get over it. Frustrated. Angry. Embarrassed of me. Because I'm her weakness. I'm the side she doesn't want others to see.
But I am here. I'm always here. And I think...maybe you are here too. We want to leave...but we don't know how. We just curl up. We cry. A lot. We don't want to talk to anyone...and we don't talk to each other. Even though that might help, maybe.
We sit in the dark. Alone.
Maybe your darkness is like mine? Maybe you also feel empty and hollow? Maybe you feel worthless, ugly, defeated? A failure? Broken?
Yea...me too. I am here.
Maybe you feel scared? Maybe you can hardly leave your house because you think you'll never see it or the people again? Maybe you feel like if you don't keep it together it will all be ruined?
Yea...me too. I am here.
Maybe you worry. Maybe you constantly feel like everyone just pretends to like you or care about you? Do you feel different? Do you feel unwanted? Do you feel stupid?
Yea...me too. I am here.
Maybe you feel out of control? Like you can't stop yourself obsessing and looking and asking and checking? You don't get to rest and your mind won't shut up and it just goes around and around and around and You can't breathe. You can't speak. You just need it to feel right and then you can calm down?
Yea...yea me too. I am here.
Maybe you feel abandoned? Maybe you feel judged? Maybe you feel like people only ask or pretend to care out of duty but in reality...they don't see you? They don't hear you. They don't have your back. You're alone.
Me too. I am here.
And maybe...maybe you feel like you're broken. Maybe you feel like it's all your fault. Maybe everything is crumbling around you and the world is shifting beneath your feet and you don't know what's going to happen. The harder you try the harder you seem to fail and the more You give the more you lose. You can't see the future anymore and the past seems a dream and you just. Don't. Know.
Yea. Me too. I am here.
That's why I'm talking today. That's why she's letting me out. Cause we both think that maybe you need to know. Maybe you need to be reminded that in the dark quiet space...I'm here too. I know. What led us here isn't exactly the same...but think of me more as your next door neighbor. I get it. Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not also crying...but I have to keep going. I have to keep walking. There isn't any other choice.
I know it's lonely. I know it's suffocating. I know it's overwhelming. And for me and many of you....It's probably never going away. But I wanted to remind you....I get it. I know. And if you need me, I've got you.
I am here.
